Death among the living

I have chosen to asked the question that has been bugging me since young regarding about my dad. Why does he chose to leave us? It was an impulse act but i have no regret on asking. I am just very nervous of his answer. All these while, i have been make know that my dad chose to leave was because of a 3rd party. Where my mom hired a private investigator to checked on him with photos to prove that he does have another women but i remembered clearly that it was not something affection. It's more like him fetching another elderly and the woman out from somewhere and helping the elderly lady out from car. It just prove that he does have a woman in someway but is it because of her that he chose to leave us and mom? I don't know. He told me he can't just explain to me within a few sentences, hence, will be meeting him up later for lunch. He said that i am mature enough to know what is the reason of his departing from our life. He said he never wanted to leave us. But yet he was never part of my growing up life. Will i be strong enough to accept his reasons of the divorce and all these? I have been living in an unknown world that love doesn't seems to be a permanent thing. I believe it should be when you found someone you love but the thoughts of it still bug the hell of me. I choose to believe love can be forever with just one but my mind always have a tonnes of reasons given what worst thing a guy can do behind me when we are apart far far away from our eyesight.

I don't like how this make me feel. I feel very depressed thinking about all these. There's no permanency about love. Everything can change because there are bound to have a lot of temptation revolve around all of us. Will we act upon it depends on the person. I am afraid to love too deep but I know I am already in it.I am afraid I could no longer breath if it ends with Him.

I hope with the understanding of what that has happened with my parents will enlighten me on this. I forgotten when was the last time I prayed that somehow my dad will come back to my mom and live happily ever after again. The years has come where i no longer pray for such because I am having doubt that true love and happily ever after doesn't really happen in reality. I am afraid I might give up altogether on love itself. Will life be meaningful again or is it just going to be a phasing towards death? Please give me the strength to overcome this. I don't want to live my life waiting for my death to come. I am afraid I might one day just pack and leave everyone and everything here. There seems no point of living for me right now.

Is death a wish i wish upon to come earlier?